Compartmentalization: Nice Guys believe themselves to be honest, but they are actually dishonest and secretive. They compartmentalize their secret lives from the persona they try to project. They are not integrated, because they don’t accept both the good and bad aspects of themselves. They are isolated, passive-aggressive, full of rage and addictive. When they feel ashamed, they try to deflect the shame onto others by becoming defensive and pointing out the other person’s flaws. They build up walls (addictions, sarcasm, isolation), instead of letting it all hang out. They don’t realize that people are not drawn to perfection. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. I define masculinity as that part of a man that equips him to survive as an individual, clan, and species . . . Masculinity empowers a man to create and produce. It also empowers him provide for and protect those who are important to him. These aspects of masculinity include strength, discipline, courage, passion, persistence, and integrity." While Glover never mentions the connection in the book, his thesis also helped me connect certain dots on what turn out to be the surprisingly modern (or post-modern, if you will) and recent origins of nerddom itself. A topic to be taken up in an essay, if I should ever make the time for it. As Glover points out, I do have a few other miscellaneous projects to finish first. In short, “an integrated male doesn’t strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others. Instead, he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all. An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect.” The Making of a Nice Guy Nice Guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes. These men are afraid that others will get mad at them, shame them, or leave them if some mistake or shortcoming is exposed.

Once again, everybody does that. Make Your Needs a Priority and Reclaim Your Personal Power and Masculinity Setting boundaries and telling people that you disagree with something doesn’t make you a jerk. It shows that you have respect for yourself, which will most likely make others respect you as well. Dr. Glover wants recovering nice guys to know how beneficial it is for their lives to stop being so nice to everyone and start pushing their opinions, doing what they want in their lives, and to not let people walk all over them. Doing this will help guys get to the next step in their lives. Who Could Benefit From Reading This Book? Nice Guys often make their partner their emotional center. Many Nice Guys report that they are only happy if their partner is happy. What’s Wrong with Being A Nice Guy? I discovered and learned so much about myself which I didn't like, I also realised things I have been doing that hasn't been serving me for years. But most importantly, I love that Dr. Glover also gave recommendations on how I could overcome my shortcomings a live a more powerful and super successful life as a strong man... Even in today's gyno-centric world. The French print translation is entitled, “ Trop Gentil Pour Être Heureux: Le Syndrome du Chic Type.”

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The process of becoming an integrated male starts with a rather simple question: dear Mr. Nice Guy, how would you live your life if you cared not one bit about other people’s thoughts and feelings about you? Recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome is dependent on revealing one’s self and receiving support from safe people. It is essential, therefore, that men who want to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome find safe people to assist them in this process.”

There is nothing in that advice that applies only to humans gendered as male. Neither is there when Glover points out it's important to have strong friendships outside of a relationship. No-one can be everything for a person. Then, they’ll start to lose respect for you and your preferences, knowing too well that they’re easy to go around with. This will not only build frustration inside you and leave less time for your own life, but also damage your friendship. For this reason, it is important to speak up when something feels uncomfortable and not fear the outcomes of you bringing forth an issue. In reading NMMNG I became aware that I was unconsciously repeating behavior that destined me to fail in my intimate relationships. The book is aprofound gift to any man wanting to establish authenticity in all aspects of his life anddiscontinue his role as a relationship 'welcome mat.'" This goes into a lot of the psychology of attraction and male-female interactions, but the point of the book is often that women want to be with a man, not some male-shaped stand-in who lets her call all the shots. This willingness to give the woman all the power does not make a woman feel secure in her relationship.

The other big aspect of Nice Guys is that they try really hard to deny their own needs. This manifests in things from career aspirations to sex. Nice Guys think that, if they can be completely needless, then they will cause no trouble for others, won’t be competition, won’t make any demands, and will be liked. The problem is that they have to get their needs met somehow and too often they resort to passive-agressive behavior or build up a lot of resentment. It’s actually pretty illogical when you spell it out, but I know it’s how a lot of men think and behave, because I did. Also, calling a chapter, "Following The Example Of The Bull Moose Helps Nice Guys Get The Sex They Want." Um, don't do that either. Especially when your advice about sex is actually often awesome: I tend to only be happy if my partner is happy. And I often blame myself if they are in a bad mood. Apart from not using "Nice Guy" in the title (ugh), I wish someone had said to Glover, "You know the part where you compare a man's relationship with his wife to him teaching a dog not to piss on the floor? Yeah . . . don't do that. No, seriously. Don't do that."

I was proud to make that statement about myself through much of my early adult life. I was a Nice Guy. I wanted to treat people well, and I wanted to be liked. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have a similar personal mantra. He calls these men Nice Guys, and he thinks that they are everywhere ( and look nothing like Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling). Nice Guys are compartmentalized. They harmonize contradictory pieces of information about themselves by separating them into individual compartments of the mind. I decided to start working on my situation. I joined a men’s group and started working with a therapist. Honestly, my initial goal was to find out why the people around me weren’t responding so well to my Nice Guy philosophy, and I wanted to find out how to get them to change. Being unable to set healthy boundaries when it comes to your time, emotional availability, willingness to help, and other social implications, could lead to disastrous outcomes for both parties. On one hand, the other person will feel as if they can use you as their go-to problem solver without even asking themselves first if you’re alright with that.

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No More Mr. Nice Guy lays out, through nine chapters, how to get “what you want in love, sex, and life.” The problem with this book is that in some areas that you will strongly disagree with the author. The author ludicrously describes feminism and women. It will hurt your feelings if you are a woman or a man who respects women. The author should have mentioned this topic in a much more careful manner.

Integrated Males like themselves just as they are and take responsibility for their own needs; they are comfortable with their masculinity and sexuality and do what they believe is right, not what is expedient. The one dimensional nature of this book frightens me. A lot of great psych books available to help uncover and work towards treating your condition. I can see this one causing so much harm. If your impressionable even more so. Creating ghosts you don’t have.There's not one quality in Glover's list that isn't a definition of any self-actualized human, regardless of chromosomes. We'd all get along a lot better if our culture stopped enforcing a gender binary that says, "Men are all of these things," rather than, "Good people are all of these." Life isn’t a merry-go-round, it’s a roller coaster. Life won’t always be smooth, it may not always be pretty, but it will be an adventure — one not to be missed.” How To Use The No More Mr. Nice Guy Book The same question can be reused in relation to Nice Guy’s relationships: what would you do differently in your relationships (be it with women or friends) if you weren’t interested in the approval of other people? Find out more at https://www.drglover.com. “No More Mr. Nice Guy PDF Summary” The Nice Guy Syndrome I think probably the most important advice this book gives readers is that you need to put your needs first before anyone else's.